Ray Wilkins has found himself a promotion at Chelsea, instead of being the clubs number one cheerleader he’s now in the position of assistant first-team coach. I am abso-freak-ing-lut-ely delighted, no longer will I have to listen to him banging on about how great Chelsea are. Whilst all football pundits associated with certain clubs are naturally biased (Gary Pallister, Greame Souness, JAMIE REDKNAPP anybody?) Ray used to take it to a whole new level during his Champions League half time chats.

Presenter – “So Ray, Chelsea are 2 down and playing shit, what can you see happening in the second half?”

Ray – “Chelsea have wiped the floor with them in the first half, it’s been embarassing to watch really. All be it for 2 lucky goals they’d be level now, they deserve to be level. Sod that they deserve to be 17 goals up because it’s Chelsea we’re talking about here. Aren’t Chelsea great? Ooh ooh I love you John Terry, you big hard man you. The second half they’ll carry on and shit all over these poor bastards. I can see it ending up with a convincing Chelsea win”.

Presenter – “They’ve been outplayed and haven’t had a shot the first half?”

Ray – “But the penetration from Chelsea has been excellent, Lampard is looking really dangerous and as for John Terry…..wow….Terry rock…rock Terry…..Terry the rock…..etc etc etc”

Well done Ray on getting the job, we’ll not miss you one bit.