The Ryder Cup starts on Friday, the most talented golfers from America and Europe slog it out over 3 days of intense golfing action. Or to put it another way a group of check wearing saddos walk around at the pace of a slug whilst shouting at the poor sods that have to do all the work i.e. carrying the clubs.

I hate golf, there is no disguising it. You’ve all heard the quotes about it being a waste of a good walk but I don’t think it’s a good walk either. Golf courses are built in such a way that they destroy the natural landscape and are nothing but big lawns. Barron of anything interesting that would make a walk good. Then there is the whole handicap system, nice name. “I’ve got a handicap of 13 you know”. Well fucking done you! It is the only time in life you will see people boasting about being crap. Why don’t people just play against each other without all this head start thing and the best player wins, like a real sport? Do shit teams in football, rugby, cricket get a head start, I think not?

Deep down it’s not really the sport itself that I hate so much, it’s more the people that play it. Middle management wankers who wear their handicap like a badge of honour. I’ve heard of offices where the whole management would disappear on a Friday afternoon to go for a round of golf leaving the secretary to run the business. Not one Friday but every Friday. They probably discussed “contracts” or other really important things on the green. To fit in you have to play golf, not only that but you have to pretend to enjoy it. I tried it once, felt dirty. Never again. Golf is how a lot of business gets done, from football transfers to medical supplies all discussed over the golf course. It’s stopped being a sport and has become a place to socialise, like the pub but without the beer and fun.

And yet there are people who make golf their life. People who have already booked Friday of work so that they can watch all the “action”. People who will pay the extra and endure the wrath of the airlines to transport their golf clubs half way around the world to play on a course that looks just like their local one (mowed grass). People who spend every weekend trying to smack a little white ball around a big mowed lawn with the coordination of a worm and getting annoyed. I just don’t get it.